More Than Material Art Show Virtual Tour

"I Am Me" by Cecil Nesgoda
Watercolor Paint And Ink Pens

Artist Statement

Hello, my name is Cecil Nesgoda, I am 18 years old and I go to Apollo high school. I believe my mentor was Sheena. My piece is the booklet/sketchbook that says “Cecil Nesgoda’s PVA sketchbook 2021 spring.” This piece also consists of a similar composition idea repeated several times among the pages.

I have been in this program for 4 years and 10 sessions. This is my final session in PV. I decided to make a piece that’s inspired by how much I have grown throughout my time here. At the beginning of all these sessions, I was absolutely miserable. I had such a fragmented version of myself and I absolutely loathed the person I was. In fact, in spring of 2016 I tried to end my own life. Saying I loathed myself is almost an understatement to the agony I was going through. What I was going through was a result of trauma, depression, and a special little thing called gender dysphoria. All of that made my life a living hell and I am in no way saying this program “cured me” but I was provided an outlet and a space to be creative. Time passed, and I’ve been in therapy for about 4 years now. I have little symptoms of PTSD, I still struggle with depression and anxiety, but I am also at the time of this show, almost 2 months on testosterone. I have been waiting years to go through this process and it feels like I can finally breathe. It's like a breath of fresh air after years of being trapped within myself. In no way I am saying that everything is perfect. In no way I am saying everything is fixed compared to 4 years ago but I finally feel like I can breathe. I feel like I can finally be happy and I can finally be my true self after years of suffocating. I chose the images I did as a way to compare myself 4 years ago and to compare myself now. I am a lot happier now than 4 years ago. I feel secure in my identity and secure in myself. I am me. I am Cecil. I chose watercolor because it is my favorite medium, in fact, at least half of my pieces I’ve made here have been in watercolor.

I sorta explained what I gained from being here in the paragraph above and I don’t really want to repeat myself. I’m a lot happier now compared to 4 years ago. I’m coping with my mental illness a lot better and I’m truly able to manage myself alot better. I’m starting my medical and legal transition and it’s very exciting to me. Overall, I suppose I’m happy that I got to be here. I can’t really name a specific time but it was nice having a small group of friends to talk to and I really appreciate Sheena and her genuineness. Overall, thanks for reading, I suppose. If you’ve gone to the last 10 art shows here, you probably saw my work. This will be the last time you see this from me, unless you know me personally and reach out to me. Anyways, it's been a lovely time. I’m off to college in the Fall and I hope I’ll have a good time. Anyways, that's all. See ya.

Oral Statement